**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
