my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
