How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
We are all done wearing pants today
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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