im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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