Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
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