Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
