Moan for me like Helen Keller
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
if only i could text you this smell
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
