Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
