He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
