people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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