On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
