White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
