He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
