The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
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