wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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