i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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