just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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