Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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