Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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