How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
