I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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