and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
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