so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
