I think i peed on brittanys purse
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
