nut hugger
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
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