John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
