So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
