Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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