do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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