That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
