just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
