8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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