If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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