Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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