Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
