Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
