Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
