The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
