im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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