he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Did you just see the Batmobile???
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
