I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
please come you make the beer taste better
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
