I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize
