I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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