Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
