I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
