what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
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