No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
