why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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