I wish i was in the wii world.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
