youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
