he puts the penis in happiness.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
