K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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