my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
