Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
NoShamevember. You game?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
