Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
